Different Views on Spanking

badseed4We thought this exchange, held between a parent and a Positive Parenting instructor was very interesting, especially given the recent release of the study claiming that, “Around the world, an average of 60 percent of children receive some kind of physical punishment, according to UNICEF. And the most common form is spanking. In the United States, most people still see spanking as acceptable, though FiveThirtyEight reports that the percentage of people who approve of spanking has gone down, from 84 percent in 1986 to about 70 percent in 2012.” Also mentioned in the same article it states, “Thus, among the 79 statistically significant effect sizes, 99 percent indicated an association between spanking and a detrimental child outcome.” The study followed children over a five decade period and found that kids who had been spanked as a form of discipline experienced at a higher level than their peers, “low moral internalization, aggression, antisocial behavior, externalizing behavior problems, internalizing behavior problems, mental-health problems, negative parent–child relationships, impaired cognitive ability, low self-esteem, and risk of physical abuse from parents.”

Inthe article 9 alternatives to spanking are provided for parents. They are-

1 – Get Calm

First, if you feel angry and out of control and you want to spank or slap your child, leave the situation if you can. Calm down and get quiet. In that quiet time you will often find an alternative or solution to the problem. Sometimes parents lose it because they are under a lot of stress. Dinner is boiling over, the kids are fighting, the phone is ringing and your child drops the can of peas and you lose it. If you can’t leave the situation, then mentally step back and count to ten.

2 – Take Time for Yourself

Parents are more prone to use spanking when they haven’t had any time to themselves and they feel depleted and hurried. So, it is important for parents to take some time for themselves to exercise, read, take a walk or pray.

3 – Be Kind but Firm

Another frustrating situation where parents tend to spank is when your child hasn’t listened to your repeated requests to behave. Finally, you spank to get your child to act appropriately. Another solution in these situations is to get down on your child’s level, make eye contact, touch him gently and tell him, in a short, kind but firm phrase, what it is you want him to do. For example, “I want you to play quietly.

4 – Give Choices

Giving your child a choice is an effective alternative to spanking. If she is playing with her food at the table ask, Would you like to stop playing with your food or would you like to leave the table?” If the child continues to play with her food, you use kind but firm action by helping her down from the table. Then tell her that she can return to the table when she is ready to eat her food without playing in it.

5 – Use Logical Consequences

Consequences that are logically related to the behavior help teach children responsibility. For example, your child breaks a neighbor’s window and you punish him by spanking him. What does he learn about the situation? He may learn to never do that again, but he also learns that he needs to hide his mistakes, blame it on someone else, lie, or simply not get caught. He may decide that he is bad or feel anger and revenge toward the parent who spanked him. When you spank a child, he may behave because he is afraid to get hit again. However, do you want your child to behave because he is afraid of you or because he respects you?

Compare that situation to a child who breaks a neighbor’s window and his parent says, “I see you’ve broken the window, what will you do to repair it?” using a kind but firm tone of voice. The child decides to mow the neighbor’s lawn and wash his car several times to repay the cost of breaking the window. What does the child learn in this situation? That mistakes are an inevitable part of life and it isn’t so important that he made the mistake but that he takes responsibility to repair the mistake. The focus is taken off the mistake and put on taking responsibility for repairing it. The child feels no anger or revenge toward his parent. And most importantly the child’s self-esteem is not damaged.

6 – Do Make Ups

When children break agreements, parents tend to want to punish them An alternative is to have your child do a make-up. A make-up is something that people do to put themselves back into integrity with the person they broke the agreement with. For example, several boys were at a sleep-over at Larry’s home. His father requested that they not leave the house after midnight. The boys broke their agreement. The father was angry and punished them by telling them they couldn’t have a sleep-over for two months. Larry and his friends became angry, sullen and uncooperative as a result of the punishment. The father realized what he had done. He apologized for punishing them and told them how betrayed he felt and discussed the importance of keeping their word. He then asked the boys for a make-up. They decided to cut the lumber that the father needed to have cut in their backyard. The boys became excited and enthusiastic about the project and later kept their word on future sleep-overs.

7 – Withdraw from Conflict

Children who sass back at parents may provoke a parent to slap. In this situation, it is best if you withdraw from the situation immediately. Do not leave the room in anger or defeat. Calmly say, “I’ll be in the next room when you want to talk more respectfully.

8 – Use kind but firm action

Instead of smacking an infant’s hand or bottom when she touches something she isn’t supposed to, kindly but firmly pick her up and take her to the next room. Offer her a toy or another item to distract her and say, “You can try again later.” You may have to take her out several times if she is persistent.

9 – Inform Children Ahead of Time

A child’s temper tantrum can easily set a parent off. Children frequently throw tantrums when they feel uninformed or powerless in a situation. Instead of telling your child he has to leave his friend’s house at a moment’s notice, tell him that you will be leaving in five minutes. This allows the child to complete what he was in the process of doing.

 

Post: https://boonecountycasa.wordpress.com/2016/04/27/different-views-on-spanking/

Different Views on Spanking

Boone County CASA

  • Jeff Says December 3, 2015, 2:49 am
    I have to agree. I’ve really gotten into this positive parenting thing and it’s turned my kid into a total brat. Obviously no one WANTS to spank, but when your kid spits in your face you can’t just say “now Johnny lets evaluate our alternatives.”
  • Deborah Godfrey Says December 14, 2015, 3:41 pm
    Hi Jeff,

    I’d be interested to see what you think “Positive Parenting” is in a practical way. As in, how exactly how do you handle certain situations? I would never respond with your response to his spitting, that would be a ludicrous response. I’ve never seen you in any of my classes, so most likely you are misinterpreting the idea of Positive Parenting or Positive Discipline, which many parents do. This is NOT permissive parenting, and in fact, it takes a great deal more thought and effort into systematically and…

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7 Simple Steps to Banish Stress From Your Life Forever

By Peter Economy

Stress can be a killer–in more ways that one. Take some simple steps to kick stress out of your life once and for all.

 

CREDIT: Shutterstock

We all face stress, and it’s what we do when we’re stessed that defines the outcome.

While some let themselves get overwhelmed and shut down, others use stress to motivate and push them to greater heights. Without the proper stress management tools, it’s easy to give in and find ourselves overcome by stress. By following these seven steps, you can banish stress from your life–once and for all.

1. Look at the big picture

While you may be coming uncomfortably close to a deadline, your lack of progress is not your wife’s or your children’s faults, and probably not your coworkers’ or employees’ either. It’s very important to remember what’s most important in your life, and to be aware when you’re blaming others for your problems and then taking it out on those closest to you. Sometimes we get so stressed that we blow up, which just causes more stress and drama in our lives.Try to keep things in proportion and you will see your stress level diminish daily.

2. Exercise

Being active is healthy for the body and the mind. When you’re feeling stressed, take a quick break and go for a walk outside your office. This short interruption will give you a fresh perspective while removing immediate sources of stress. And as an added benefit, the endorphins released in your brain from the physical activity will make you feel better and at peace.

3. Eat healthy

Sugar crashes are a real thing, and with sugar hiding out in most every kind of processed food, it’s extremely important to be aware of what you put in your body. Start out your mornings with a big, healthy breakfast–something along the lines of eggs and vegetables–and be sure to take breaks for lunch no matter how busy your day is. Keeping your brain fueled with healthy foods helps to keep stress from creeping up on you.

4. Keep track of progress

Write down how much you’ve accomplished on a project. Keep track of your average progress and make a goal for when you can and will complete it. Through this process, you can truly see how much is left to be done and plan accordingly instead of feeling overwhelmed inside because you aren’t sure how much is left to accomplish.

5. Stay organized

Disorganization in any form causes the brain to feel stressed. Organize your work, your surroundings, and your activities in a way that gives you the most breathing room. If you are sitting in a room of clutter, your brain won’t be able to focus on the task at hand. The more organized you are, the better you feel subconsciously. If you are feeling disorganized, spend 10 minutes a day on organizing different areas of your office and the work itself, and set a schedule for yourself.

6. Remain positive

Don’t let yourself hang onto negative thoughts that you won’t accomplish whatever it is that you need to to do. Tell yourself that you can and will finish on time, get organized, and get healthy. Make a goal, write it down, and hold yourself accountable. 

7. Make time for fun

The old saying is work hard, play hard, but if you’re focused on only work and set aside no time for fun, you will get stressed and burned out. Be happy, and spread some of that happiness around. Plan non-working vacations, get-togethers with your employees outside of your office, and fun-filled activities for everyone to participate in within your office.

Original post:http://www.inc.com/peter-economy/7-simple-steps-to-banish-stress-from-your-life-forever.html

The 5 Essential Qualities of a Great Leader

By Peter Economy

The best leaders exhibit certain traits that make them hugely successful. Embrace these qualities and be a great leader, too.

CREDIT: Getty Images

Being a good leader isn’t easy. While a leader’s actions may be scrutinized when things are going bad, it is their leadership qualities that shine through the worst of times. It is these same qualities that employees look up to, respect, and work very hard for. This is why it is so important for every leader to work hard to gain the qualities of great leadership.

The best leaders exhibit certain qualities that make them hugely successful. Here are 5 attributes of some of today’s truly great leaders.

1. Clarity

They are clear and concise at all times–there is no question of their vision and what needs to be accomplished. This gives others the opportunity to digest their goals and decide whether or not they will support their cause. Generally, very few people know what they want, much less how to get there, so they will gravitate towards those who appear to have a clear picture in mind–good clarity leads to great achievement.

2. Decisiveness

Once they have made up their mind, they don’t hesitate to commit–it’s all hands on deck. They show great consistency with their decisions, rarely backing out or changing their minds unless it is absolutely necessary. Being decisive shows commitment, a quality very high in demand for a great leader.

3. Courage

Boldness is both something you can develop and something that is blessed as a virtue. Although some people are naturally more fearless than others, practicing how to be fearless–or at least project fearlessness–is a completely doable task, one many have achieved in order to fulfill their role as an amazing leader.

4. Passion

There’s nothing more inspirational than seeing someone who cares about what they do–the best leaders exhibit boundless energy and passion for what they do. Don’t be shy about your passion for whatever it is you are leading, be it a book reading or a laboratory experiment. As long as you are passionate about what you know, or care about, it’ll shine through and people will follow.

5. Humility

While confidence is a very attractive trait in leaders, there’s nothing like a humble character for creating a lovable persona. Great leaders admit when they are wrong and take criticism as an opportunity for growth. Show the world how grateful you are to be where you are. This, in turn, will demonstrate how much you deserve the leadership role.

Click here:

http://www.inc.com/peter-economy/the-5-essential-qualities-of-a-great-leader.html

Anxiety and Depression Together

By Hara Estroff Marano
The disorders are two sides of the same coin. Over the past couple of years, clinicians and researchers alike have been moving toward a new conclusion: Depression and anxiety are not two disorders that coexist. They are two faces of one disorder.

Are you anxious or are you depressed? In the world of mental health care, where exact diagnosis dictates treatment, anxiety and depression are regarded as two distinct disorders. But in the world of real people, many suffer from both conditions. In fact, most mood disorders present as a combination of anxiety and depression. Surveys show that 60-70% of those with depression also have anxiety. And half of those with chronic anxiety also have clinically significant symptoms of depression.

The coexistence of anxiety and depression-called comorbidity in the psych biz-carries some serious repercussions. It makes the course of disorder more chronic, it impairs functioning at work and in relationships more, and it substantially raises suicide risk.

Over the past couple of years, clinicians and researchers alike have been moving towards a new conclusion: Depression and anxiety are not two disorders that coexist. They are two faces of one disorder.

“They’re probably two sides of the same coin,” says David Barlow, Ph.D., director of the Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders at Boston University. “The genetics seem to be the same. The neurobiology seems to overlap. The psychological and biological nature of the vulnerability are the same. It just seems that some people with the vulnerability react with anxiety to life stressors. And some people, in addition, go beyond that to become depressed.”

They close down. “Depression seems to be a shutdown,” explains Barlow. “Anxiety is a kind of looking to the future, seeing dangerous things that might happen in the next hour, day or weeks. Depression is all that with the addition of ‘I really don’t think I’m going to be able to cope with this, maybe I’ll just give up.’ It’s shutdown marked by mental, cognitive or behavioral slowing.”

At the core of the double disorder is some shared mechanism gone awry. Research points to overreactivity of the stress response system, which sends into overdrive emotional centers of the brain, including the “fear center” in the amygdala. Negative stimuli make a disproportionate impact and hijack response systems.

Mental health professionals often have difficulty distinguishing anxiety from depression, and to some degree they’re off the hook. The treatments that work best for depression also combat anxiety. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) gets at response patterns central to both conditions. And the drugs most commonly used against depression, the SSRIs, or selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, have also been proved effective against an array of anxiety disorders, from social phobia to panic and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Which drug a patient should get is based more on what he or she can tolerate rather than on symptoms.

And therein lies a problem. According to physicians Edward Shorter of Canada and Peter Tyrer of England, the prevailing view of anxiety and depression as two distinct disorders, with multiple flavors of anxiety, is a “wrong classification” that has led the pharmaceutical industry down a “blind alley.” It’s bad enough that the separation of anxiety and depression lacks clinical relevance. But it’s also “one reason for the big slowdown in drug discovery in psychiatric drugs,” the two contend in a recent article published in the British Medical Journal. It’s difficult to create effective drugs for marketing-driven disease “niches.”

Who is at risk for combined anxiety and depression? There’s definitely a family component. “Looking at [what disorders populate] the family history of a person who presents with either primary anxiety or depression provides a clue to whether he or she will end up with both,” says Joseph Himle, Ph.D., associate director of the anxiety disorders unit at University of Michigan.

The nature of the anxiety disorder also has an influence. Obsessive-compulsive disorder, panic disorder and social phobia are particularly associated with depression. Specific phobias are less so.

Age plays a role, too. A person who develops an anxiety disorder for the first time after age 40 is likely also to have depression, observes Himle. “Someone who develops panic attacks for the first time at age 50 often has a history of depression or is experiencing depression at the same time.”

Usually, anxiety precedes depression, typically by several years. Currently, the average age of onset of any anxiety disorder is late childhood/early adolescence. Psychologist Michael Yapko, Ph.D., contends that presents a huge opportunity for the prevention of depression, as the average age of first onset is now mid-20s. “A young person is not likely to outgrow anxiety unless treated and taught cognitive skills,” he says. “But aggressive treatment of the anxiety when it appears can prevent the subsequent development of depression.”

“The shared cornerstone of anxiety and depression is the perceptual process of overestimating the risk in a situation and underestimating personal resources for coping.” Those vulnerable see lots of risk in everyday things-applying for a job, asking for a favor, asking for a date.

Further, anxiety and depression share an avoidant coping style. Sufferers avoid what they fear instead of developing the skills to handle the kinds of situations that make them uncomfortable. Often enough a lack of social skills is at the root.

In fact, says Jerilyn Ross, LICSW, president of the Anxiety Disorders Association of America, the link between social phobia and depression is “dramatic. It often affects young people who can’t go out, can’t date, don’t have friends. They’re very isolated, all alone, and feel cut off.”

Sometimes anxiety is dispositional, and sometimes it’s transmitted to children by parental overconcern. “The largest group of depression/anxiety sufferers is Baby Boomers,” says Yapko. “The fastest growing group is their children. They can’t teach kids what they don’t know. Plus their desire to raise perfect children puts tremendous pressures on the kids. They’re creating a bumper crop of anxious/depressed children.”

Treatment seldom hinges on which disorder came first. “In many cases,” says Ross, “the depression exists because the anxiety is so draining. Once you treat the anxiety, the depression lifts.”

In practice, treatment is targeted at depression and anxiety simultaneously. “There’s increasing interest in treating both disorders at the same time,” reports Himle. “Cognitive behavioral therapy is particularly attractive because it has applications to both.”

Studies show that it is effective against both. But sometimes the depression is so incapacitating that it has to be tackled first. Depression, for example, typically interferes with exposure therapy for anxiety, in which people confront in a graduated way situations they avoid because they give rise to overwhelming fear.

“Exposure therapy requires substantial effort,” explains Himle. “That’s effort that depressed people often do not have available to them.” Antidepressants can make a difference. Most SSRIs are approved for use in anxiety disorders and are the first line of drug therapy. But which drug works best for whom can not be predicted in advance. It takes some trial and error.

Ross finds CBT 80-90% successful in getting people functioning well, “provided it’s done correctly.” Not all psychotherapy is CBT, which has a very specific set of procedures, nor is every mental health professional trained in CBT. “Patients have to make sure that is what they are really getting.”

Medication and CBT are equally effective in reducing anxiety/depression. But CBT is better at preventing relapse, and it creates greater patient satisfaction. “It’s more empowering,” says Yapko. “Patients like feeling responsible for their own success.” Further, new data suggests that the active coping CBT encourages creates new brain circuits that circumvent the dysfunctional response pathways.

Treatment averages 12 to 15 weeks, and patients can expect to see significant improvement by six weeks. “CBT doesn’t involve years and years of talk therapy,” says Ross. “There’s homework, practice and development of lifestyle changes. Once patients learn how to identify the trigger thoughts or feelings, or events or people, they need to keep doing that. CBT gives people the tools they need.”

Original post:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200310/anxiety-and-depression-together

OCD Explained

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https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/1/1b/OCD_handwash.jpg/737px-OCD_handwash.jpg

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is characterized by repetitive thoughts, impulses, or images that are intrusive and inappropriate and cause anxiety or distress, or repetitive behaviors that the person feels driven to perform in response to an obsession or rigid rules that must be applied. Those suffering from this condition recognize that the obsessions are a product of their own mind. The obsessions or compulsions are time consuming or interfere with role functioning.

Click here for the original article: http://scitechconnect.elsevier.com/ocd-explained/

How I Manage My Bipolar Disorder

by Krystal Reddick

 

I went six years between my first (2007) and second (2013) hospitalizations. I pride myself on that. I was hospitalized for a third time in 2014. Through my three hospitalizations and three IOPs (Intensive Outpatient Therapy) I’ve met people on their 10th or 15th hospitalization. Some people are chronically unemployed or on disability. Their illness dictates the course for their life.

It doesn’t necessarily have to be this way.

To make sure I stay stable and highly functioning, I do a number of things:

  1. For the past seven years, I’ve seen my therapist every three weeks and my psychiatrist every three months.
  2. I’m a compliant patient; I take my medicine faithfully and go to all follow-up appointments.
  3. I make time for leisure (reading, hanging out with friends, going out to eat, getting massages, shopping, watching TV, etc.).
  4. For the past year I’ve been getting acupuncture regularly. I’m trying to balance out my reliance on Western medicine with more holistic practices.
  5. I’m protective of my sleep. Not getting enough sleep can trigger depression or mania.
  6. I exercise two to four days per week. There are numerous health benefits gained from exercise.
  7. I try to eat healthy. I can definitely do a better job at this. I saw a nutritionist this summer and have made the dietary changes she suggested.
  8. I try to minimize my stress triggers. Keeping up with all of the paperwork for my job usually takes a toll on me. So I try to manage my procrastination. I don’t always succeed at this. But I’m trying.

A stable life is highly doable. You have to take stock of your life and shape one you’d be proud and happy to live. It is a lot of work. But what in life isn’t?

 

Click here for original article: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/krystal-reddick/how-i-manage-my-bipolar-d_b_5559720.html?utm_hp_ref=healthy-living

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