Delancy, A. (2015). Success Secrets Revealed: Quickly Planning Your Dreams And Living A Happier Life.
You must look at your thinking, your interpretation of events, as they are happening to you. Look at how you have solved problems in the past and how you are approaching them now. Have you stopped synthesizing important data, or critically analyzing the information you have available to you? Are there room for improvement where this is concerned? I can recall occasions when I did not do this and made errors in my judgements.
I remembered once, starting a new job and one of my friends I had known for some time and had respected, was working there also. Now, I had known that she had worked there for some time and had moved up the ranks, as it were. And so, on my first day, I was willing to listen to all the advice I could have gotten.
“Allick, be very careful of the people in this office.” She stated, looking me flush in the eyes.
“Why, something is going on that I needed to know?” A question I should not have asked, but with a side glance at her, demanded more.
“Well, Ms. X cannot be trusted, she did…, and Ms. Y…..”, the list went on and on.
So I went with the view that I had to be cautions. I then looked at myself and thought of all the possible past negative experiences I had, with persons who I perceived had done me wrong. I formulated a response. Thus, based on my developed protective responses to those past situations, I was going to do the same with this job. I thought to myself that I was not going to be caught again. So I said to myself, a good morning will be good enough to give to them, each morning, and that is it. I reasoned that that was not going to take too much out of me. I will eat my lunch in the corner of the room and quickly disappear back to my desk without making eye contact. So you could say, I had a plan to deal with the situation my friend had warned me off.
A couple of months after working at the office, what were my observations? What did I experienced? I had to look at myself, examine my thinking and asked, was there a connection with what I was seeing and what my friend had cautioned? What I observed was the total opposite. Was my workmates devious or cunning, seeking to stir up trouble at the first opportunity they got. No!
My colleague’s experience was hers, I needed to find balance in what she said. I needed to not unfairly judge my new colleagues without giving them the opportunity to demonstrate who they are. After a few more weeks of working with them, I started to have a new experience. I was not shying away from conversations but being actively engaged in the communication process with them, learning much more than I thought was possible in this new job. I had to look within myself and positively “self talk” me, into giving them a chance. Newman & Newman (2006) said that equilibrium or balance in thinking “is achieved through adaptation—a process of gradually modifying existing [beliefs]…of what is known and what is being experienced”. They further mentioned that as “the knower changes, so does what is known”.