Brief Solution Focused Intervention Family Meeting: The Greatest Family Meetings You Ever Had. (Positive Parenting)

Solution focused brief therapy techniques are really designed to assist persons to find effective solutions to problems and in the shortest possible time.

Therefore Solution Focused Therapy, in family meetings can greatly assist family members to work proactively and quickly find solutions together.

Table of Contents
Introduction.
Describe the problem.
Identify the extent of the problem.
Family interaction meetings.
Comfortable atmosphere and space
Materials needed
Develop an agenda
Meeting reminders
Conclusion

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A positive attitude

What about the letter A.  The letter A, stands for the positive attitude you must always strive to possess.  It should be noted that one is not born with a positive attitude, but this is a quality that a person must cultivate.

To achieve in life, the success we pursue, it is crucial that our mental outlook be backed by a positive attitude.

An optimistic attitude, fuels your mental outlook.  As you move toward your life dreams, a hopeful attitude can carry you through, when life throws at you some unexpected situations or you meet with a brick wall appearing in your way.

The question though is, how do you develop a positive attitude?  Some persons are constantly exposed to environments which are emotionally toxic; a place where negative people congregate to listen to each other’s sermon of sorrows.

This environment can manifest itself in your work place or maybe it is in your school.  Sadly, sometimes it may be in your home.  To overcome such negativity, we need to create our own atmosphere of positivity.  How do we do this?

Firstly, we need to seek out and listen to the suggestions of persons who have a view point, that in spite of what life throws at them, they will succeed.  And that, in spite of the many failures that come their way, triumph is just around the corner.  They function as if to indicate, their achievement is just on the horizon, success is but an arm’s length away.  These are the people to draw close too.

Secondly, we also need to be mindful of ourselves, in order to create positive attitudes.  We can bring a negative outlook—a thought—from within our minds, to bear on our current life experiences, which may have little to no relationship.  While that previous thought or experience might be useful, as all our life encounters should be educational ones, that particular experience maybe out of place.  Therefore keep such thinking in check.

Thirdly, it has to do with the language we use with ourselves when seeking to create a positive atmosphere to thrive.  This has to do with negative self talk.  We can say to ourselves that it is not likely that we can accomplish our goals.  We may vocalize to ourselves that our endeavours can be done, but they can only be accomplished by someone else.

Sometimes a person can look at their abilities, whether they went to university or to college, their socio-economic status and use these to make judgments about how much of a contribution they can make in life.  And so a person may say to himself, that he should not take that step or that action towards his dreams, for it is not possible for him to succeed.

Negative self talk; a self defeating trait which can rob us of the things that matters to us, making us avoid the path which leads to success.  And so you must say no to negative language which can ultimately affect your thinking.  This can manifest failure in your life, even before effort is made, or prevent you from trying again if failure visits you temporary.  Your attitude therefore, must be goal oriented, to see life and all that it hurls at you, in terms of challenges, as part of the experience towards a greater good.

We now want to look at the letter L.  The word that the letter L symbolized for me, was a word, that at the time I was not willing to accept as part of the vocabulary of someone seeking success.  I said to myself, how could I say this word to these young minds.

The word is limitation.

As I prepared this presentation for those youths, I started to recognize that the word limitation, based on how it is viewed or understood, can indicate success or failure, triumph or despair, achieving your dream or losing all hope.

This brings me to a story involving a classmate of mine at the university I attended for my undergraduate work.

He was a friend and thinker, and really motivated to achieve. Yet this student had but one challenge, one limitation, and that was to write research papers.  He had the ideas, he knew where to get the information, he knew how to discuss, critique and synthesize the information, but strangely, when it came to putting it down on paper, he just could not do it.

What I found amazing, was that my friend understood his limitations and sought assistance from students who had mastered this technique of writing and editing, to a significant degree.

He had his dream of becoming better at writing some day.  But it was his limitation at that present time.  He understood that he needed to move on to greater things in his life, and was not willing to allow his limitation to prevent him from doing so; he was determined to graduate.

He therefore sought the necessary assistance, moved on and now for a few years has been working with young children and their families as a school guidance officer.

 

Exercise

Think about a recent problem you had in which it was difficult to find a solution. Recall how you felt when it seem you tried everything. Think about your anxiety level, was at high or low? Write down how you felt.  Think about what your attitude was like before attempting to solve the problem and at the point you felt there was nothing else you could have done and write this down.

 

Creating Rules in the Home for a Successful Family.

Ever had a situation in the home when you just don’t know what to do?  Maybe it has to do with your children not cleaning up after themselves or playing football in the dining area instead of outside.  Or perhaps they got up each morning on the weekend, and all they did from the start of the day to late evening is look at television, played video games or talk on the cell phone with their friends.

Oh, there we go all hands are raise.

Come on, you know you want to raise your hands.  Ah, that’s it, there we go!

Well, there is nothing simple about getting your children to do chores or go read a story book or something like that when they want to do the total opposite.  But here is something you could try to modify the behaviour of your children.

Use written rules.

  1. Be clear: If the rule is for the child to pick up their toys after playing with it in the play area, then it needs to say so.  By saying move your toys could mean to the child, kick your toys to the corner of the room in a heap.  So the written rule should speak to where you want them to put their toys and how they should arrange them as well.
  2. All must be following rules: Children learn by association, social learning, observing for instance.  If parents also have some written rules for themselves, then when the child observes the parent adhering to these, they will be more incline to follow the ones they have.
  3. Involve the child in developing rules: As adults, we all want to know that we are a part of something that pertains to us. Children are no different.  When you are making the rule for your home get their contributions.  They may think of something that you may not have thought about if you are creating the rules for them.  So get their views.
  4. Put rules in a place all can see: It is important that the children be able to have the visual benefit of the rules you make with them. So put it on a sheet of flip chart paper or wide enough so it can be easily seen by all.

So use rules in the home to see your family start building positive habits, or use these rules to reinforce what can be build upon.

17 Essential time management skills

17 Essential time management skillsHaving lived and worked in 5 different countries, I have yet to meet anybody who didn’t want to improve their time management. Even those with strong time management skills realise that there is always room for improvement. Becoming productive with your time is all about seeking to make constant and never ending improvements to the way that you perform your work. Thankfully, there are many time management skills which you can improve to help you get better results. One of the biggest mistakes made by those who struggle with their time management is thinking that time management skills are entirely behavioural e.g. you set a goal and you work on it. However, the truth is that many of the most important time management skills are entirely cognitive i.e. they are thinking processes.

17 Essential time management skills

Below, I have outlined 17 time management skills which play a critical role in determining your productivity levels. Some of these time management skills overlap and, in many cases, mastering one skill will greatly improve your performance in another. However, it is important that you understand each skill and the role it plays in your time management.

1. Goal Setting

Time management is not a standalone skill. You cannot manage time but you probably already know that. You can only manage how you use your time and how you use your time should be driven by effective goal-setting. The most fundamental of time management skills is the ability to use your time in a manner which serves your goals.

When making decisions about what to focus your time on, you should always be cognisant of your goals and how each action is aimed at bringing you closer to achieving those goals.

If you do not have clear goals, check out the Ultimate Guide to Goal Setting.

2. Prioritisation

The biggest reason that most people struggle with prioritisation is that they start too late in the process. They attempt to prioritise the items that are on their task list. However, if you look closely at most task lists, you will find that they contain items which never should have made it on to the task list in the first place.

As strange as it may sound, prioritising should not begin with a focus on getting more work done. Prioritisation should always begin with avoiding/eliminating the tasks which you should not be performing. Once this has been done, you can switch your focus to completing the most valuable work you can with the time and resources available to you. Prioritisation is one of the most misunderstood and misused of the time management skills. When you get it right, you will find that your time management improves rapidly.

3. Self-awareness

No two people like to work the same way. We all have our own preferences for how we like to work e.g. some people work best in the mornings while others prefer to work late. We are motivated by different things and like to work in our own way. There is nothing wrong with this. In fact, it is quite healthy. It just means that you need to have a good understanding of your own likes, dislikes and needs.

When you have a high level of self-awareness, you are able to take the very best time management advice and tailor it to fit your own style.

4. Self-motivation

You will have days where you do not want to do anything. You may be sick, tired, bored or simply lacking motivation. On days like this, there is little that anyone else can do to get you going. You need to be able to motivate yourself to take action, even though you’d rather not. If you have improved your self-awareness, you will have a great deal of the information that you need to motivate yourself.

In addition, as you move up your organisation or, if you go down the path of the entrepreneur; there will be nobody standing over you to hold you accountable on a daily basis. You will be totally responsible for your own results. You could have all the other time management skills but if you lack the ability to motivate yourself, you will soon experience large amounts of pressure and stress.

5. Focus

Regardless of what you are trying to do, there will always be something else competing for your attention. It’s not easy to shut everything out and focus on the task at hand. Focus is one of those time management skills where you don’t realise how important it is until you struggle with it.

It is important to remember that no matter how many tasks need to be done, you can only work on one task in any given moment. The myth of multi-tasking causes many problems for those who wish to improve their time management but if you want to get results, you must learn to focus on one task at a time and block out all distractions.

6. Decision making

It would be nice to think that you could just sit down and do your work without having to put any serious thought into it. Alas, there are few jobs that fit that description. You will have to make important decisions e.g.:

• Which task to do
• Which tasks do not get done
• When a task is completed
• Which meetings to attend
• Who you can or cannot help, etc.

If your decisions only affected you, it wouldn’t be such a big deal but few tasks are performed in isolation. Almost every task has a knock on effect on another person, or task, which means that every decision that you make has consequences both for you and for others.

Decision making is one those time management skills which if you are not good at it, you will notice the negative impacts in every area of your life. It is imperative that you are able to consider the consequences and make effective, clear decisions.

7. Planning

As mentioned earlier, tasks will overlap and be dependent on each other. There will often be times when one task cannot be started until another task is finished. Your schedule will also be impacted by the schedules of others. These factors need to be considered at the beginning of each project and, monitored throughout. Failure to do so can lead to delays and missed deadlines.

Planning is one of the essential time management skills because it allows you to foresee all of the tasks which will be required to complete a project and, how they will best fit together. A well made plan will save you a great deal of time.

8. Communication Skills

You will have to work with others on a daily basis. It is unlikely that you will perform every aspect of your work so you will need to enlist the help of others. Strong communication skills will enable you to build supportive relationships with those whom you work with. You will be able to work better together and achieve more than you ever could apart.

When you require another person to do some work for you; you will want to communicate in a manner which will enable them to perform the work to the desired standard, in the fastest time. Should any errors occur, you will want to raise the issue quickly and explain clearly about the adjustments that need to be made. In these situations, the quality of your communication directly impacts the quality of the work that gets done.

If you need to improve your communication skills, check out How To Talk So Others Listen.

9. Questioning and challenging

If you want to work to the highest standard, you must be willing to challenge anything and everything which does not meet your standards. This begins when somebody attempts to assign a task to you. If you do not think that you should be the person to perform the task; you must raise the issue and challenge the person that is assigning you the task. When you begin to do this, you will often see a decrease in the amount of work which gets delegated to you. Quite often, people delegate work to you because it is convenient; not because it is the correct course of action. If you want to improve your time management skills; this must become a thing of the past. As mentioned earlier, eliminating work that you should not be doing is the beginning of prioritisation. Questioning and challenging are essential skills to help you achieve this.

Questioning and challenging are also essential when you are being assigned work that you should be doing. Never accept a task until you are crystal clear about what is expected e.g.:

• What is to be done
• When it is to be completed by
• How much is required
• The manner in which the work is to be performed
• Any other details which impact on your ability to complete the work

If you have any objections, you should raise them before giving your firm agreement. Taking the time to achieve clarity at the beginning will save you far more time in the long-run.

10. Delegation/outsourcing

Just as others will want to delegate work to you; there will be times when you want to delegate work to others. You will want to ensure that all the important work gets completed but that does not mean that you have to be the person to complete it. One of the greatest time management skills is knowing when you are not the right person to perform the task.

If the task is more suited to somebody else’s skill set; you should consider delegating the task. Of course, when delegating, it is important that you provide all of the necessary information and ensure that the person who will perform the task is clear about what is expected of them.

11. Coping Skills

Things will go wrong from time to time. You can be certain of that. When things do go wrong, you can sit around wallowing in despair or you can review the situation, identify the correct course of action and implement that action.

Time management is not just a behavioural skill. It is cognitive too. Your thinking and mindset play a massive role in determining your results. Knowing how to cope with setbacks will help you bounce back quickly and reduce the amount of time lost when things go wrong.

12. Stress Management

With work comes pressure. Pressure in itself is usually a good thing. It motivates you to take action and to do a good job. However, once you begin to feel that you can no longer cope with the demands placed upon you, you begin to move from pressure to experiencing stress. Stress is not a good thing. People often speak of good stress but that is just an inappropriate way of labelling pressure.

When you experience stress, your body and mind begin to suffer. Large arrays of mental and physical problems have been linked to prolonged exposure to stress. Before you get to that stage, stress begins to have a negative impact on your performance and your time management. If you experience stress, you will have so many things on your mind that you will find it practically impossible to focus on the task at hand. As a result, it will take you longer to perform even the simplest of tasks. A backlog will start to build up as you fall behind which in turn increases your stress levels and so the spiral continues.

Time management skills and stress management skills are intertwined. They also have one major thing in common – they allow you to understand that it is better to prevent the problem occurring than having to deal with it once it does occur. If you want to improve your time management skills, make proactive stress management a ritual in your life.

13. Working effectively with others

I have already highlighted the importance of communicating with others in maximising your time management. Working effectively with others is often the quickest way to get a job done properly. This is about more than just communication and delegation. It is important to understand how others like to work; their goals and expectations. As you get to know people better, you build positive relationships where you can work together for the benefit of all concerned.

14. Record Keeping

When you are on top of everything and you know exactly what is going on; you can make effective decisions and provide information quicker. Regardless of your subject area, accurate information is essential. You do not have to know everything off the top of your head but you would be surprised at how much time you can save when you know where to find the necessary information at the moment you need it.

You must determine what information you need to have and put systems in place to ensure that it is collected and stored.

15. Organisation and filing

This is an extension of record keeping. I used to laugh at the amount of effort that my first boss used to put into his filing system. His desk was spotless, as opposed to mine – I couldn’t even see what colour my desk was. Whenever I asked him for something, he was able to reach his hand out and grab it in a matter of seconds. When he asked me for something, I would practically tear my desk apart trying to find it.

It does take some time to set up a proper filing system but once it is set up, you save large chunks of time because you can store and retrieve information without having to think about. And, that is the ultimate benefit of organisation – you only have to think about anything once. Everything has a place and, unless you are using it, you will be able to find what you are looking for in that place.

16. Patience

Many people think that time management skills are all about getting more work done. That is not the case. Time management skills are about ensuring that you get the important work done. You could try to focus on getting more done but you end up rushing things and making mistakes. By the time you have rectified the mistakes (if it is possible to do so) you will have spent more time than if you’d taken your time and done the job properly.

Patience isn’t just a virtue; it is a skill. It is something which you have to practice. The very best time managers do not rush things. They have patience and take precisely the amount of time required to do the job properly.

17. Forgiveness

Like patience, forgiveness is actually a skill. It is not something which magically happens; it is something which you must choose to do. As you try to improve your time management skills and become more effective, you will make mistakes. Others will also let you down from time to time; though rarely intentionally. It is easy to become irate when these things happen but if you do, you will find that you become too emotional to focus on your work. In the end, you compound the mistake by reducing your effectiveness further due to your own frustration.

When things go wrong, give the people the benefit of the doubt. People rarely get things wrong on purpose. Whether it was you or somebody else who made the mistake, choose to forgive. Accept that it was a genuine mistake, and then focus on identifying the corrective action that you need to take. This way, you will maintain your self-esteem, improve your relationships and reduce the amount of time wasted following the mistake.

Stop Failing! 11 tips to be the smartest in class now!: A straight forward student’s guide to a quick turnaround to educational success.

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The Scientific 4-Step Process to Become World-Class at Anything

By Benjamin P. Hardy

If you want to become world-class at what you do, you must get to the point where it becomes unconscious and automatic.
IMAGE: Getty Images

Learning new things engages your prefrontal cortex, which operates via your working (i.e., short-term) memory. Your working memory is used for conscious decision-making and planning, directed at the attainment of your goals.

However, once you automatize a skill, it becomes subconscious; and thus, you free up by 90 percent your working memory, which allows higher-level functioning. For example, you can drive for minutes at a time without even thinking about driving.

In the context of learning and performance, automaticity allows you to apply and deepen your learning in novel and enhanced ways. Developing automaticity is the process of going from doing to being–empowering you to become an expert and innovator.

As Josh Waitzkin, author of The Art of Learning, has said, “Just as the yin-yang symbol possesses a kernel of light in the dark, and of dark in the light, creative leaps are grounded in a technical foundation.”

Here’s how it works.

1. Repetition!

Whatever we plant in our subconscious mind and nourish with repetition and emotion will one day become a reality. –Earl Nightingale

The first step toward automaticity is repetitiously learning small sets or bits of information. If you’re learning a new language, it’s repeatedly hammering the same word types and roots. If you’re golfing, it’s practicing the same shot over and over.

However, automaticity goes beyond the initial point of mastery, to what has been called overlearning. To overlearn, you continue practicing and honing long after you know something inside-out.

Becoming grounded and proficient in the left-brained technical rules and skills frees up your right brain to creatively break or manipulate the rules.  As the Dali Lama has said, “Learn the rules well so you know how to break them properly.”

2. Find your zone and stay there as long as you can.

“The more you sweat in training, the less you bleed in combat.”―Richard Marcinko

The second step toward automaticity is making the practice or training progressively harder. If you’re at the gym, increase the weight and intensity. If you’re giving a speech, include elements outside your comfort zone.

The goal is making the task increasingly difficult until it’s too hard. Then you drop the difficulty back down slightly to stay near the zone or threshold of your current ability.

3. Add a time constraint.

The third step toward automaticity is making the training more difficult while adding a time restraint. Do the same activity (e.g., writing an article), but give yourself a shortened timeline to do it in. Your focus should be process, not outcome on this. Quality over quantity.

Adding a timeline forces you to work faster while at the same time it requires you to think about the time, which loads up your working memory (think Chopped on Food Network).

4. Load up your working memory with purposeful distractions.

“In the midst of chaos, there is also opportunity”–Sun Tzu

The final step toward automaticity is working/training with an increasing memory load. In other words, doing the task with greater levels of distraction. Math teachers leverage this strategy by having students learning an obscure fact and having them recall it immediately after completing a math problem.

Eventually, you can perform the activity in a flowlike state, where the external distractions and pressures no longer influence your unconscious ability to act.

Conclusion

Watching our 8-year-old foster son learn how to read is teaching me a lot about the development of automaticity. For months, he did everything he could to avoid reading. Yet, we were persistent in working with him.

Eventually, he developed confidence himself and began to see the utility of reading, and his motivation shifted from extrinsic to intrinsic. Now we have a difficult time stopping him from reading.

If you want to become world-class at what you do, you must get to the point where it becomes unconscious and automatic. Once you get to this level, you’ll be able to innovate and make your craft your own, because you’ll be operating at a higher frequency.

Original Post: http://www.inc.com/benjamin-p-hardy/the-scientific-4-step-process-to-become-world-class-at-anything.html

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