Imagine a company is going through some economic challenges and it comes to the point that the only way to survive is to make some immediate changes. So the Chief Executive Officer gets all the ten managers together for a meeting. You happen to be one of the managers.
One by one, he comes down the line asking what could be done to have this company, and by extension jobs saved. After the ninth manager, here comes your turn. With all eyes on you, the question is asked: “What can we do to save this company and your job?”
With a confident smile on your face you blurt out: “I have absolutely no idea!”
Now, if you were the last one that the company was depending on to come up with a good idea, then, there goes the jobs and the many lives depending on the employee.
Hi, my name is Allick, and I’m the Behaviourist Buy, and today I want to talk about actively thinking about the needs of the family as it pertains to building a stronger, better team.
So what are we talking about here?
There comes a time, when a parent, husband or wife, need to reflect on the direction the family is heading, and what can be done to ensure the family see the success it deserves.
Now this approach of becoming a reflective practitioner can help solve most, if not all major problems a family may have. The following are some steps you can take to help you become more reflective of issues affecting the family and how to solve them:
Step 1: Identifying the problem.
An adult may say to a child: “You never listen to me when I say go cleanup your room.” And this is normally followed by some kind of argument, back and forth. Now, most times the conflict would have been averted if the adult had said something differently. What I mean here is that if the adult was more specific in what the child appears to not be doing, this may reduce the chance of a conflict escalating.
So the next time you are having a disagreement with your child, try to be specific. For example, if you want them to cleanup their room, let them know what is to be done. So we are looking at things like remove clothing and books from the floor and pack them in their respective cupboards, dust writing desk, place shoes under bed, side by side in a straight line.
Step 2: Try to see the problem as though you were the other person.
This means, that you must walk in their shoes, as it were. That would mean, that you look at the named issue, and try to see if it would really be considered a problem for all persons.
Let say, again, it has to do with cleaning up their room after playtime. You as the adult may look at the entire room and say it is untidy. But, could you see, that for a child, it may be that they can still get to bed and sleep; at least if they arch their body just right, they can actually fall asleep between the rubble. And, that is a reason why they may not see an untidy room as a problem.
Step 3: Think in terms that the child may not be previously aware of the behaviour we are calling to their attention.
The child may see for instance the room with a number of stuff thrown about, but a question that could be ask is: Are they aware of the reasons for keeping their room clean? Don’t take for granted that they know.
Why?
Because they are 10 years old or 12 years old or because they are teenagers?
Sometimes what can happen is that we look at the child’s physical structure and make a determination, that cognitively or their ability to reason, should be commensurate with how they look. And that’s, not always the way to determine knowledge.
Step 4: How could I modified the child’s behavior?
It is often stated that a picture can paint 1000 words. This means that at times you may have to show them a picture of what behaviours you are expecting them to engage.
Video content is something that can keep the interest of a child. So it may be that you show them someone engaging in the behavior you want them to also engage in.
At times you may have to tell a story from your experience. For example, when you found as a child a scorpion in your untidy room (or something else with a little shock factor). Let them know how you felt scared and what you decided to do after that experience (hopefully it was to start keeping your room tidy!).
You may need to also build, or purchase cupboards for them to pack away their stuff. Also, teach your children how to label sections of the room, so that they will know exactly what goes where.
Step 5: Think about whether you are showing reasonableness or patients.
Sometimes you may want a particular behavior to stop immediately. Fidgeting for instance or speaking out of turn might be one of them.
Or once more, for them to clean up their room.
But it is important to think about the age group of the child, and the length of time they may have taken to develop this unwanted behaviour. As such, it may also take some time to reverse, or learn different behaviours; or the more positive ones.
It is important to note that there are some behaviors that are simply age specific. And so, more than likely, with proper guidance or appropriate discipline, the child will grow out of this unwanted behaviour. Please understand that this will also take time, patients and reasonableness on your part as the adult. In so doing, you will help the child to successfully navigate through this time.
So, you are a good manager, who can come up with how to solve family problems. Especially with how you interact with a child when there is a perceived problem. Follow these five steps and you’ll be fine.
Well, that’s all for now. This is Allick. Hope you learned something.
See you next time.
A. DEL Counselling & Consulting Services 